A Heartfelt Letter You Will Never Read

You.

I love you, but I hate you. I miss you, but my life is better because of you. I care about you, but you don’t care about me. I reached out to you, but you turned your back. I showed you my heart, but you hurt every part of it. I forgive you, and maybe someday you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me if I’ve ever upset you.

I understand that you don’t want to jeopardize your job by staying in touch with me, and I respect that. What I don’t understand is why you had to hurt me. I don’t understand why you had to say cruel things in your last message to me on New Year’s Day. Why? 

I did nothing to you except consider you a mentor, consider you a friend, show you kindness, show you how much I care, and you hurt me. When I worked with you, you seemed like you genuinely cared about me, or so I thought. I still remember you calling me over after a huge disagreement, and you had tears in your eyes. You told me “I don’t know why, but you’re the last person that I would want to hurt.” I believed you.

During the time that I worked with you, you always showed me positivity. You frequently checked up on me to make sure that I was okay. You helped me fulfill my goals and you brought out a confidence in me that I had never seen before. You gave me a quote that will always remain with me that said, “A ship that sails backwards, never sees the sun rise.” I look at that every day.

You taught me how to do my travel agent job, and taught me how to do it well. You ignited my passion for travel, and taught me all about Europe. In fact, you are the European queen. You motivated me, pushed me, and believed in me when I needed it the most. And because of that, not only am I eternally grateful, but that made me believe in you, too.

I wanted to pay you back for everything you’ve done. I admit, maybe I was a bit excessive with my ‘thank you’ messages to you, and my various gifts and cards. But, honestly, I truly don’t know how to be any other way. When I care, when I’m grateful, when I love anybody, I go all in. I can’t help it, that is just my heart.

You might think I’m a little crazy for admiring you or getting attached to you so much, but again, that’s how this big, sensitive heart of mine works. I have no control of the heart that God gave me.

I want you to know that deep down in this emotional soul of mine, I will always have a special place for you. I will always be grateful for the guidance, wisdom, and advice that you have given me in the short time I knew you. I want you to know that I do miss you being in my life, and I hope our paths cross again.

I want you to know that I truly believe that you too have a good heart and only want what’s best for those you know. I want you to know that ignoring me does hurt me, and if you blocked my number, that hurts me too, but I don’t really hate you. I want you to know that my intention was never to upset you or become an annoyance to you. I just wanted to fit in with the other girls who were your favorites, but I know now that was always impossible.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but, if you do, I want you to know that I tried. I tried my best to get you to like me. I tried my hardest to make you happy, and to give all the kindness back to you that you had given me. I tried my hardest to be successful and the best agent I could be. I want you to know that I will always wish nothing but the best for you, and will always consider you an inspiration that left forever footprints on my heart.

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led, to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you….

 

I do believe I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” – Wicked

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